If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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