Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
