if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
