Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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