dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
