i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
