I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
