I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
