oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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