I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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