My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
