My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
