I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
