So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
