so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
