cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
