your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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