I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
