So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
