You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
