There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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