dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
