I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
