I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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