I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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