you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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