So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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