it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize