It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Success! We fucked roommates!
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