the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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