If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
