i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The beer is more important than you right now.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
