Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
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