So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
