You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
