i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
