My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My bed smells like the plague
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