this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
