so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
try to milk me bitch
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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