her vagine was all disorganized.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
