she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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