3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
