I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
