Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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