Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
