How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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