I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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