As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I did not marry a roomba.
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