She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
