Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
