Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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