Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
