I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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