shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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